How To Steward Your Mom Heart Well

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Hi friend!

In case you’re new around here?

My name is Heather, I am 45 years old, and I have been married to my husband Shawn, for almost twenty-one years.

Together, we have three incredible teen and pre-teen daughters.

Eve. (17)

Maci. (15 next month) and..

Livvy. (12).

Which is crazy talk typing because…

Yesterday they looked like this –

And if I wasn’t convinced before?

These are the days friend.

Writing about our daughters and my motherhood journey is one of my favorite topics to share…

You may remember these popular posts from the past:

When I wrote all about my personal Mom Manifesto HERE or

The Mini Love Letter and what how my growing up years shaped my Mom heart HERE or

5 Things I want my daughter to be absolutely sure of HERE…

It’s true.

Our girls are my favorite subject.

And so?

It hurts sometimes when our connection is out of alignment.

Shocking, I know.

But, we don’t always get along. 🙂

Wires get crossed, feelings get hurt and yes…even tempers flare.

These are the days.

There are days of sheer joy and pride (Eve #15, Maci #14, Livvy #10)…

And, there are days of misfires and messes.

And if I’m being totally honest?

Last week, was one of those off weeks.

Surely, these times are natural and normal…

But also, for the record?

Not my favorite.

So friend, as we turn our hearts towards Mother’s Day tomorrow…and if you’re finding yourself feeling a little…

Weary, teary or tender…

Just know – you’re not alone.

I’ve been there, even recently.

Come sit by me.

This motherhood gig is not easy.

And also?

It’s the best.

And also?

It can hurt sometimes.

And also?

It can be our greatest joy.

God and I have been in deep and ongoing conversation A LOT lately and I have to tell you –

His gentle whisper of a specific 5 word phrase He laid on my heart recently has settled and steadied my heart.

Because?

I know –

He sees me.

He sees her.

He sees US...

Mother and daughter…learning still – how to dance daily through the always changing seasons of life.

Sometimes totally out of synch and sometimes skipping together (often in the direction of Starbucks for overpriced acaí refreshers 🙂

No matter the melody…

There is a song being written and it’s ours to write….to dance, to sing, to clap and to cry to…

All of it matters…

All of it counts.

Today on the blog, I am sharing that gentle 5 word phrase that God whispered in a quiet moment, that is making all the difference right now, while in the midst of raising three teen daughters.

And if you don’t have teen daughters…there may just be a nugget for you here still…

Because, I’m also sharing 5 tiny practices, tucked into daily life that are helping me to care for my own Mom heart and nurture my soul in this season of mothering.

Because if there is anything I know for sure?

It’s that it helps to know you’re not alone…especially when things don’t feel just right.

The way it is right now…

Is only for right now.

Follow me friend.

How To Steward Your Mom Heart Well

About that phrase, God hugged on my heart a few weeks ago…

I have gone back and forth about sharing it here, because sometimes, God’s whisper is truly meant for you and you alone.

And perhaps even now, deciding to share it here, it may still only be meant to be tuned to my heart, in this particular season.

And yet?

I share because if there is a chance that this holy whisper can help you too, in your own mothering journey, I want you to be able to tuck it inside your heart and reach for it too, if and when you need it.

Especially if letting go feels hard.

The phrase God used to steady my weary heart in a very ordinary moment was this:

Less Police Officer, More Nurse.

Let me guess.

Not what you expected?

I get it.

And yet.

It is changing how I am mothering right now.

And, it is changing how I am tending to and nurturing my own Mom heart too, as I continue to journey forward on what is, this raising three teen girls path.

And that’s just it.

Our girls are 17, 15, and almost 13.

In not surprising news –

They are not so little anymore.

It turns out?

That our oldest daughter, Eve will technically be an adult by this time next year.

And Maci and Livvy…

Well, they are growing up just as quickly, right behind their big sis.

They don’t need the reminders that the pot on the stove is hot, or to look both ways before they cross the street or my favorite – that hands are for holding and not for hitting. 🙂

It’s turning out…

That they are old enough now, to know the rules of engagement and to also know and discern what is wrong and what is right.

Sure, Shawn and I still need to lay down the boundary markers with rolling out a rumble strip along their teen girl highway, every once in awhile.

But also?

We need to let them fail too.

Fail and know, that we love them, no matter what.

Less police officer, more nurse.

Do you ever find yourself getting caught in the disorienting noise?

Noise that distracts you.

Noise that makes you forget, that the moments are fleeting.

Noise that makes you slip into sideways thinking, that the way things are right now…

will stay this same way for all time?

The truth is –

All time is on a timer.

We just don’t know when the timer will go off.

All the more reason to lean into God’s other recent heart whisper to – “Maximize what you already have”

I shared HERE all about maximizing what you already have in this post, “How to find motivation, when you don’t feel like starting.”

I grew up under the wing of the tender love of my mother.

Who in her deep grief and sorrow after suddenly and tragically losing my brother at the age of 13, by an accident from him climbing a tree while playing a game of hide and seek, when I was just two years old…

My Mom could have had every reason to become the most strict police officer Mom, out of fear and control..and everyone would have understood.

But instead?

She chose the path of total surrender and confident trust in her God.

And embraced the role of nurse and nurturer instead.

Tenderly caring for me, tracing unique love lines all over my heart, giving me my first lessons in –

How to love your daughter well.

What I am continuing to learn is how to love our teen children well and and steward our mom hearts well is essentially a daily practice in –

How to surrender well.

The love that truly loves will eventually whisper….

Love is a lesson on letting go.

Letting go of control.

Letting go of our expectations.

Letting go of our way.

Letting go of ourselves.

Letting go of the way they were.

Letting go of how they used to need us and leaning into what they need now.

Letting go of keeping order, making room for mistakes…

Because, love covers it all.

Less police officer, more nurse.

I mentioned I’ve been in deep convo with my Jesus and here’s one more heart hug He gifted me with just a few days ago.

Perhaps, you are familiar with the scripture:

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

2 Corinthians 5:7

In His grace, He gently whispered this scripture with a single word swap that is just hitting differently for me lately…

“For we walk by faith, not by feeling.”

In his lovingkindness, He spoke His truth through His word, with a gentle reminder that surrender is not a one time transaction.

Surrender is a heart posture that needs daily refreshing, regardless of our feelings.

Thankfully, our faith is not dependent on our feelings of the day.

Because feelings are not facts, they fluctuate and flatline.

But faith never does.

When our emotions rise, when our hearts feel fragile, when we wreck the roof and when we slip into old habits, we have a choice…

To choose less police officer, more nurse – for ouselves.

Friend, it is ok to lead your heart near still waters for a drink of refreshment.

In fact?

It is necessary in this surrendered heart posture and Mom walk.

Learning to tend to our own hearts, is of equal importance of learning how to tend to those teen and pre-teen hearts. 🙂

Here’s how I am tending to my heart lately…

How To Tend To Your Own Heart

choose to stay with yourself

• Hold the necessary tension of growing into who you are becoming.
• Don’t reach for the escape you tend to reach for, your phone, online shopping, Netflix. Resist whatever it is that you find yourself reaching for in distraction and instead?
• Stay with yourself, sit with yourself in the quiet, close your eyes and open your heart for God’s whisper.

go for a walk

• I love my mental health jogs, but sometimes embracing a slower pace, by taking a walk through the woods, has a way of bringing a steadiness to your soul that routine exercise doesn’t create.
• Take a 15-30 minute walk, look up at the sky, allow your eyes to linger on something else besides a screen and simply welcome the reset of your mind.

find your version of a pink sky

• I love a pink sky. IKYK
• The best pink skies are usually before the sun even rises, and I love to find them greeting me in the morning, while everyone else is still asleep and the house is quiet.
• I will always and forever take a picture of a pink sky because it reminds me of God’s faithfulness and that His mercies are new every morning, no matter what.
• Find your pink sky, go where you will see it often, and document it.
• Hold on to it as a reminder, that you are seen, known and loved.

read a book that nourishes your right now self

• I just started reading The Purpose Driven Life, it’s designed to be read daily for 40 days and I texted my girlfriends and invited them to read it with me.
• Favorite Books in my personal library that have met me grow where I am, right when I needed it:
  • Present over Perfect – Shauna Niequist – on Amazon HERE
  • Unglued – Lysa TerKeurst – on Amazon HERE
  • Power of a Praying Wife – Stormie Omartian – on Amazon HERE
  • The Let Them Theory – Mel Robbins – on Amazon HERE
  • Everything is Figureoutable – Marie Forleo – on Amazon HERE
  • I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet – Shauna Niequist –on Amazon HERE
  • Greenlights – Matthew MCConaughey – on Amazon HERE
  • The Next Right Thing – Emily P. Freeman – on Amazon HERE

plug into a community to grow & serve together

• I have been attending a weekly bible study on and off for the last 15 years. There were seasons when I had to pause but I am so thankful to have plugged back in, during this season! These women have prayed for me and I have prayed for them and our weekly gatherings are a light that I look forward to every week.
• Last week we gathered to assemble goodie bags together and donate to a nearby community of mothers who bring their children to an outreach program in their nieghborhoods.

• Finding a way to serve in your local community has a way of nurturing your own heart just as much as it cares for those you are hoping to love on!
• An extra bonus, was spending time with Eve and Maci while they spent time with the kiddos and made new friends! 🙂

Oh friend.

How grateful I am for a faithful God who knows exactly what He is doing, especially when I don’t.

May you feel his nearness today.

I pray your heart feels His steadfast love and welcome His embrace as a daughter of the King, on this Mother’s Day weekend.

Living on a prayer,

Heather

PS: Happy Mother’s Day Mom!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!