Mental Load Weighing You Down? How To Care Differently & Control Less
June always kicks off with a bang around here, as we celebrate our middle daughter, Maci’s birthday on June 2nd!
Yes, our little lightning rod turned FOURTEEN last Sunday and we spent the weekend celebrating our spirited and joyful Maci Frances Fruitsnacks Krout! 🙂
Our girl is easy to celebrate because she has been bringing our family so much laughter and silliness since the day she arrived, literally sending me into labor while I was sitting at a taveling, outdoor pop up tent circus with Eve, who was 2 at the time!
You can see a short reel of some classic Maci moments HERE on my Instagram.
In the middle of the birthday celebrations, I did sneak in a girl’s night with my best girlfriends from high school.
It was SO GOOD to get together and just catch up on all the things.
It’s not easy to make the time and coordinate around everyone’s schedules and even though we were missing 2 of our crew, we still got together for dinner and all agreed it’s 100% necessary and needed, especially in this 45th year of navigating life, marriage, kids and careers.
You can see a peek into our girls night, hosted by my beautiful friend Stacie, HERE on my Instagram.
Grateful doesn’t even begin to cover how blessed I feel to have these ladies in my life for all these years.
And now?
Now, it’s back to wrapping up the end of the school year for all 3 of our daughters and attending all of the events that go with it, while juggling lacrosse practices in the evenings and tournaments on the weekends!
Which means?
Maycember has rolled right into just keep going June!
My latest devotional was just published last week on Club 31 Women and I’m excited to share it with you here too.
Because?
Because, I think we are all juggling a lot right now and perhaps all that juggling, is leaving us running on empty?
Today on the blog, I am talking about the heavy mental load we are each uniquely carrying and the things that are making all the difference towards living lighter.
In other words?
I’m sharing exactly what is helping me be a human in this right now, busy world.
Today’s post is my invitation to you –
” To watch me be me, to remind you how to be you.”
By sharing with you what and exactly HOW, I am letting go of control by a new way of learning to care differently.
These lighthouse truths and reminders are literally changing how I am showing up in the world on a daily basis and it’s working –
Helping me be me.
And I think they may help – you be you…
Follow me friend!
Running on Empty – Is Your Mental Load Weighing You Down? What If You Cared Differently?
Have you ever been hurrying and scurrying to do all the things, while checking off the packing list for a vacation and caught yourself saying –
“We just have to get there!”
Because, for some reason, getting “there,” feels like the solution that will free you from the net of overwhelming demands and cut the cord to the constant state of exhaustion you’ve come to accept as “the new norm?”
Surely, we will return refreshed and rejuvenated…ready to roll.
And then you come home and life lands you right back in the race.
Turns out that mini vacay didn’t quite cure the cultural hangover, caused from living on a daily diet of an underfed soul, and overstuffed calendar, like you’d hoped.
What happens when “just getting there”…doesn’t quite live up to all the hype?
Oh friend, I’m finding more and more that this landscape of life we are living in, has a tendency towards whisking us into a flawed belief, that the answer to our stress is escape.
But, if we decidedly plant our feet on the firm foundation of God’s landscape?
Well then, God says the answer to our stress is to give up control.
Are you feeling a little numb, stuck in a loop of continual overwhelm, weighed down by an emotional fog?
Perhaps there is a new level of fatigue nipping at your ankles from the mental load you have been carrying and life has left you feeling…empty.
Sweet friend, I want you to know that you are not alone.
Even in what may feel like God’s absence, it is actually His Oneness with you.
He is near and wanting to help lighten your load.
Now, this doesn’t mean that our circumstances will feel peaceful or that our situations will be resolved, handled in a hot minute.
But it does mean that our minds can be steadied knowing that He is working behind the scenes.
And His work is always good.
But it’s hard to remember that isn’t it some days?
We live in a hurry up, distracted and bumper beeping world where fast is not fast enough and enough is not really enough.
It’s no wonder, we often slip into temporarily thinking that a quick trip away is all we need to soothe the bumps and bruises from the world’s wounds.
What I’m finding, is that our soft souls are in need of a different kind of care, from the rough edge realities of life we are facing.
What we really need is not a vacation or an escape from our reality…what we really need is soul care.
I love how Pastor Rick Warren reminds us of this.
In scripture verses, Matthew 11:28-30…does it say:
“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you…
more to do?”
No, praise Jesus!
Our verse says – I will give you “rest for your souls.“
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
When we take time to honor our human design, by recognizing our limitations, we can then begin to scratch the surface to understanding this verse in a more intimate, close way.
We know the Bible is clear, that God designed our human bodies to need rest.
And, the older I get, the more I am realizing my deep need for emotional rest, in additon to the more obvious, physical rest.
It seems nearly everyone I talk to lately, is living in a chronic state of overwhelm.
While some are going through the painful overwhelm of physical demands…most people I know are emotionally overwhelmed.
Friend, I understand how difficult it can be to find the joy in everyday life.
Perhaps you are feeling as if the joy of life is gone, but the function of everyday life continues?
Everyday life keeps beating, the wave of every email, every text, every friend, family and colleague seems to need an immediate attention slice out of your personal capacity cake.
There is just one problem.
There is only so much cake to slice.
There is only so much of YOU to go around.
What if there was another way?
Another way to show up well in the world, support and care for others, while also paying necessary attention to our own soul capacity?
In other words…
What if we cared differently and controlled less?
Friend, while I don’t have the perfect solution or answers for healing what is aching you right now –
But, I do know, there are practices and reminders, that are helping me to help cut through some of the noise.
They are lighthouses of truth, helping me cut through some of the fog and helping me figure out –
HOW to actually hand over the controls. (And not keep taking them back.)
And it’s taking me on a journey of truly honoring my soul level need for emotional rest by caring differently.
And?
It’s helping….maybe it will help you too.
Here is what is helping me be a human in the world right now.
Emily P. Freeman says it like this:
“I need to watch you be you, to remind me how to be me.”
My prayer is that this incomplete list of “lighthouse truths” and potentially helpful mindsets and practices will serve as a way for you to “watch me be me” and remind you “how to be you” again…
In Your Life:
Here is what this has looked like for me and a few concrete ways to care differently, as I’m working to honor my soul’s limited capacity and need for emotional rest.
Lighthouse Truths To Take With You on Your Co-Journey Towards Caring Differently & Living Lighter.
- Recognize that caring differently requires giving up the controls.
I don’t need the tropical vacation to escape from my stress.
What I need is to truly surrender and give up control – let God be God.
Lysa Terkheurst says it like this – “Our job is obedience, God’s job is everything else.”
- Eliminate all or nothing thinking.
An all or nothing mindset is rarely helpful.
Remember that forward is a pace.
You don’t have to live a life of extreme, choosing to give all the way up or fight all the way through.
Find your lattitude of middle ground, and linger versus jump.
- Recognze anticipatory anxiety for what it is.
Call out the made up, worst case scenarios darting in my head for what they are: distractions from the enemy to pull me away from Truth.
Focus and name what is in front of me, what is real and true and right now – meditate on that.
Challenge the story I am telling myself in my head, with what is real and true.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
- Debunk the cultural myth that life is a competition.
Yes, we have desires to show up well.
But life is not as flexible as we like it to be, priorities shift and our capacities to operate cannot always be at 100% in all the categories of life, all the time.
Quiet success is often sweeter.
Comparison and contentment are mortal enemies.
Bob Goff says it like this: “Keep your eyes on your own paper.”
- Hit Start & Send Microwave Prayers.
Start sending prayers up like arrows to God in real time, while in conversation with others.
It goes like this-
My eyes are open while the other person is speaking, I am listening, engaged and nodding while I start and send a microwave prayer up. Asking God in real time, what I need to say, if anything, in that moment and let the prayer cook for a few seconds before I feel led in responding or adding to the conversation.
It works.
Why?
Because God is always listening, sitting at the edge of His seat, just itching to bless, when He hears our voice!
- Less Words.
Your silence can never be misquoted.
Not every conversation needs you participation.
Your mouth controls the pace of your life, learn to listen before you speak. (James 1:19)
Pastor Rick Warren says it like this:
“Slow down your words and you will slow down your life.”
Pastor Rick Warren
Confidence is quiet, insecurity is loud.
Your power is in your slow response, not in your quick reaction.
- Remember that real growth is slow work.
Real growth is hard work that requires courage, vulnerability and heart examination.
Have tissues on hand, growth requires water –
Tears count.
The path to caring differently for others and yourself is a journey of practicing radical compassion for yourself, while trusting the process as you put in the practice.
Not all of these may make sense to you or fit right now.
But perhaps consider, which one of these lighthouse truths might help you care differently about all of the things you are carrying right now?
Remember, making space and time for emotional rest and learning to care differently is not about finishing –
It’s about starting.
Would practicing one of these lighthouse truths, give you more light, more breath, where you need it right now?
Friend, we must remember we were never meant to do this life alone.
Yes, your struggle will mark you.
Yes, your wrestling will build character within you.
Yes, your fight will strengthen you.
Yes, your hard fought days will shape you.
And?
We have a helper every step of the way who knows the plan and the purpose.
In every struggle, in every demand, in every fight, we have a friend and his name is Jesus and He knows us better than anyone.
And?
He loves you.
He knows exactly what you need and His plan is always the best.
And your best requires rest.
Let your inner warrior take the night off.
Go to Him and get the rest you need.
Living on a prayer,
Heather
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7
Read: It Doesn’t Have To Be Perfect – To Be Good
For more encouragement, you are invited to read more posts from Heather:
