The truth is…
most marriages don’t make it through what we went through.
The truth is I gambled with this future family.
The truth is in 2006, I got sucked into a pit. I willingly stepped into a life I had no business being in. I bargained, negotiated, and justified my actions all the while being blinded to the reality of the cost.
The truth is…sin always has a hidden cost.
And the thing is…decisions made in secret?
They have no light…they keep you tunnel focused on the immediate gratifications…and blind you from truth of the future that God has for you.
Here’s what I have learned…
When we string together a batch of lies or secret acts of disobedience for our own immediate gratifications…we are fooled into thinking we are only paying a quick “here and now price.”
A “price” that we have crookedly justified in our minds that we are somewhat sick and yet comfortable paying for…in the moment. Because after all..see justification A, B and C.
The truth is…
the moment we begin to justify and rationalize why decision “X” is ok…the scene has been set and we are already on a slippery slope headed in the wrong direction.
The final price? Many times, it has potential to cost you almost everything ahead of you, out of view but still there in the years that lie in wait if we don’t bring what is in secret out into the light.
The truth is today, I am actually grateful because my brokenness…it led us to Jesus.
“For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism.
And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father,
now we also may live new lives.”
Romans 6:4
The truth is guys…the devil is real.
The truth is spiritual warfare is real.
The truth is the devil works overtime to steal, kill and destroy our marriages and families and our futures. And…he is super skilled in his abilities to find the cracks in our relationships, slither in when you aren’t looking and lure you away from your future.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
John 10:10 NIV
But God…rich in His mercy, heard my cry and pulled me out of the pit.
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”
Psalm 40:1-2
The truth is…we are committed to keeping it real in a world full of fake.
If you’re still wondering…yes, I can deeply relate to the woman in John chapter 8 who was brought to Jesus in the temple courts.
….”When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” – (excerpt from Bible Gateway NIV)
Here is what I know…she could have slipped away in shame, but she stood alone after all her accusers had left and waited…and then?
Jesus spoke directly to her…knowing her situation…
And, in my interpretation? I don’t read “go now and leave your life of sin.” As a threat of:
“Don’t do it again or else.”
But more of a pleading promise….to turn away from the bad choices and actions because they are robbing you and will not lead you to the good life that is set aside and planned for you.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
I am so grateful to God that I was not hidden from His sight…that I was not too far gone, too broken, too rotten, too damaged to rescue.
(Music has a way of helping me get untangled,,,maybe it will help you too…inviting you to listen here to “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle)
If anything, I am more humbled than humiliated that God would pick me and our marriage story of redemption and restoration to bring glory to His Kingdom.
The truth is…over the last 14 years I do not worry about who knows what. Because what God says about me is what defines me.
(Click here for an another amazing song by “For King & Country.”)
Over the years we have openly shared our testimony…at a church service of hundreds and in a quiet family room, one on one with friends and strangers alike, or in a group study…in other words…anytime God calls us to share what we went through…we do.
Because, we believe we went through what we went through so that we could help others.
And?
What we have learned about God is…He doesn’t waste our mistakes…He makes them into mission-fields.
Over time, God has intersected our lives with other couples and invited us alongside them and their need to look eyeball to eyeball into the face of someone real who has been wronged, cheated or felt broken from perhaps a similar situation and to serve as a beacon of hope:
“If they can make it, maybe we can too.”
This drawing?
It is on a 3″ X 5″ index card.
This index card is one of my most treasured pieces of a pivotal time in tangible form. It was drawn by Pastor Bob Bullis, who helped us climb out of what seemed like a broken beyond repair situation and begin building a new life together with God in the center.
The scribbles?
He sketched those lines to demonstrate:
The closer, the “S” = Shawn
and the closer the “H” = Heather
tracked towards the “G” = God…
the closer the “S” and “H” became to each other.
With every “today” we chose to show up and say “yes” to working on the problems before, during and after the mess, the more the gap that divided us shrunk.
And? With each step towards our relationship with God…we took a step towards one another.
The truth is…without things going in a really bad direction…we think we would have wound up hitting a sort of “glass ceiling” of marriage maybe 2-3 years in.
Shawn and I both believe that without going through the REALLY hard time, our marriage would have plateaued, reached a status quo and who knows how long we would have continued before eventually parting ways and chalking it up to “falling out of love.” That is the road we were on…detached, dis-engaged, un-churched and vulnerable to the world.
But God…wanted more for us…He wanted us to be connected to Him.
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you.No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” John 15:1-4
Friends…Nothing you have done changes how God sees you and His desire to do a good work in your life…
Advice from Shawn and I if you are in a hard place?
Get on your knees in prayer, get yourself a good counselor…they are worth every penny and hour of your time. Get connected with a believing body of Christ, fan the flame of your faith, and get busy believing you are not broken beyond repair.
In fact…
God is an expert at taking our mess up’s and making them into His masterpieces.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
Ephesians 2:10 NLT
No wrong turn, bad choice can change God’s ultimate plan for you. The key is turning towards Him so that with Him and through Him, you are equipped and able to turn things around for yourself…and your future that lies ahead.
The truth is…
your trial really IS your testimony.
And Shawn?
He approves this message and by the way…he is the real hero in our marriage...he never gave up on us and the plan God had for our future.
Thank you for loving me SLK….I love you so much.
Our goal together?
To share our bold, honest truth in faith with the hope to point people to the One who makes all things new. (Revelation 21:5)
Father God,
Thank you for your unending mercies, your unfailing love that searched for me high and low when I was not worthy of being found. You have been so so good to me. Father, I pray you would reveal yourself to anyone reading these words today who needs to know that you are real. I pray they would feel you and be touched by your overwhelming love.
Lord…thank you. Thank you for pulling me out of the shadows and into the space of rest and recovery between your strong shoulders.
Amen.
One more song…because…music helps and heals.
Living on a prayer,
Heather
Special thanks to my friend Desiree Ortman of Desiree Ortman Photography for taking these photos last week as a celebration for our 15 year wedding anniversary. I am in awe of your talent!! Friends – you MUST check her out – she is a gifted creative genius!
simply spellbinding..revealing..honesty for us..
Thank you so much for reading and for always being so supportive.
Heather,
What an amazing love story. Thank you for sharing! As i sit looking at the river with my morning coffee I am thankful for all that God has given me. Your words justify the truth in believing and living life in his eyes.
Teresa
Same Teresa…we are at the beach and as I stare out at the ocean I also reflect on all of God’s goodness in my life and how deeply grateful I am for His blessings of abundance. Thank you so much for your thoughtful words and reflections…so thankful to have you here. XO
Heather
You are amazingly talented and courageous in sharing these truths and your experience. Best wishes for many more happy years for you and your family
Thanks so much Carol…we appreciate your extension of love and warm encouragement. So appreciate you being here with me on my blog journey. It means a lot to have you here and reading our story. XO
I love the way you live your life so open and honest just waiting to help the next one in line. You have the heart of a servant. I’m so glad you have a gift with writing to reach so many people with your many wise messages. As always, I’m so grateful to have you and Shawn as dear friends.
Sweet Carolyn – thank you for your words and continued encouragement to pursue my passion of writing and sharing. You and Joe are true gifts to both Shawn and I…we are so blessed by your friendship. Thank you for all that you are to us. XO
You guys are simply amazing and I love that you share your story 💕💕💕💕
Thank you Karen!! You are the best – have loved every minute of our friendship and every moment of conversation with you. Thanks for being a wonderful friend! XO
What God can do if only we humble ourselves and just come to Him…His way. What a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing 🕊
Thank you so much Claudine for your kind words. Appreciate you being here and all of your encouragement! xo