3 Truths I Want You To Know – A Mother’s Open Letter to Her Daughters

Can I tell you a secret?

Tomorrow is my 40th Birthday.

Yes, according to my 1980 birth certificate and my Sixteen Candles obsessed heart…tomorrow is the BIG 40.

Forty, as in the number 4 followed by a the number 0…smushed side by side resembling the double digit numerical value of 40.

FORTY.

And you know what?

I am SO.GOOD.WITH.IT.

40 and me?

I have decided we are going to be besties.

Because…

I believe the best truly is yet to come…in this middle-ish decade.

Like a “bestie,” we are going to make wonderful memories together, cry together, sing & dance together, get ourselves into pickle-ish situations together, travel together, sit in stillness together and at the end of the day spend a lot of time together.

I don’t know all the details and happenings that she has tucked inside her suitcase, squeezed into all of the wrinkled tender moments folded inside of the ten years she is packing.

But, I do know that with my guy Jesus leading me, we will figure it out together…and we will call it “GOOD.”

Why do I believe that?

Because the more I surrender to Him?

The better it gets.

And?

God is in the business of making things “good” even when it is hard for us to see or understand the unpacking process.

And if this milestone birthday is in fact…what they refer to as the “mid-life mark” of life on this side of heaven…well, then?

I think there is no better time to rewind the film and look back at where my feet have been.

But more importantly?

There is no better time to look ahead into the eye of the unknown future and purposefully speak truth into the futures of our three daughters.

Truth is…I don’t feel 40.

I don’t think most people actually feel their age. But, when you take pause, rewind the film and go for a walk down memory lane and breathe in the dusty memories of all the ground we covered together?

Yes, I have decided.

40 actually does fit just right.

I’ve done the things, traveled to the places, met the people.

And today, 39 years and 364 days old?

My cup runneth over with my precious family, a loving husband and three healthy daughters. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

And if this blog’s tagline is “Notes For My Daughters,” then this post is the ultimate “Note for my Daughters.”

Eve, Maci and Livvy,

This is for you…and friend,

This is for you too.

These are the truths I believe Jesus wants every single one of us to receive and rest in, to receive and experience His peace beating inside of us, dancing us into a rhythm that relies on Him to carry us through our days and years ahead.

Are you ready?

“Yeah You” 🙂

(cue the sixteen candles theme song music and Molly Ringwald’s slow walk from the church to the red Porsche…just kidding – I’m back!)

Dear Daughters,

These are the truths I want you to know.

Truth #1

There is Only One YOU.

Risk Being Real.

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

PSALM 139:13-16 NLT

There are going to be times in your life when, without realizing it you may be tempted to hide and cover up what God knitted inside you. You may be tempted to pretend and bend in order to “fit in” rather than let others see what is inside and peer into the “who” He made you to be…the REAL you.

Only you can hold the power to let yourself be seen for who you are.

Reject the urge to hide under a mask and whatever you do, refuse the rising pressure to pick up someone else’s measuring stick of success, hold it up beside you and measure your success based on someone else’s version and values.

Only you carry the license to drive HOW fast, how hard and what direction you go. Only YOU can decide when to let your foot off the gas, and when to press it to the floor. You may be tempted to look left and right at the cars flying by alongside you, “beating you” and be tempted to think you “need to keep up” or drive faster and in a fancier car.

Never forget…stillness with God outruns the race of the world.

It’s OK to let your foot off the gas.

Refuel your tank when it’s dry and hold space for the filling of God’s good grace and then?

Keep going, and remember YOU DECIDE how you will measure and define the ruler of “success” for yourself.

THIS is a gift ONLY you can give yourself.

Let go of the pressures of the world and how everyone else measures up and instead trade it in for the rawest form of truth as you dig in and discover the treasures God has tucked inside you...the gifts that when unleashed release a gift to the world…meeting and seeing the one and only YOU.

My advice dear daughters is to invite God into the conversation and let Him lead you into your days that He has written in His book especially for you.

“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”

Psalm 139:16

Your truest taste of freedom is found within your willingness to live as deeply and authentically connected to the unique design God created you to be.

This “raw freedom” may require the process of “unbecoming” back to your original design.

I have decided that to me, “un-becoming” is the opposite of “re-inventing.” Instead of hustling to morph into a “new and improved you,” it is the beautiful permission to shed what has been picked up along the way, to let go of anything that is no longer serving you well and to re-scale what is not true to size in the current season. An opportunity to decline the pressures or ideals of what you “should” be doing that weigh us down and exchange it for the invitation to sit and confidently rest within your original design, hand made by God.

You are the only expert at how to care for your God-breathed soul.

…because there is only ONE YOU and YOU are needed in this world exactly the way God made you.

Truth #2

Sometimes we get it Right.

Sometimes we get it Wrong.

And Sometimes…we just need to get out a good cry.

LOVE HARD ANYWAY.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

PSALM 56:8 NLT

Did you know that God is a “tear collector?”

He literally sees every tear that stains your cheek…and collects them.

Yes dear daughter…every tear.

Life is super hard.

Life is super messy.

Life is going to surprise you, delight you and disappoint you.

When we are faced with trials…while it may catch us off guard and surprise us…know that God is never surprised.

Nothing catches God off guard.

We can rest in the truth that He knows our hurts, He feels our pains, He carries our losses and His love conquers and covers ALL of our battle scars.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33 NLT

After I became a Mother I asked your Grandma, how she ever let me out of her sight when I was young and growing up, after she had suffered and experienced the devastating loss of suddenly losing my brother, her son, in a tragic accident on a beautiful blue sky Friday after school.

Her response was immediate:

“Keeping you back would not have been loving you well.”

I am sure there are times when she wanted to say “no” to my many requests to go and do and be all the things.

But instead of gripping me tight out of fear…she held me out open handed, laid in loose fingers and trusted God to go with me, when she could not.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 NIV

It’s not our job to make sense of it all.

It’s not our job to understand it all.

It is our job to trust Him with it all.

Even when we make mistakes, even when things go sideways,

It is when we come to the end of ourselves that God is unleashed to do His best work in your life.

As a mother we teach you to sit up straight, don’t slouch, hold your chin up high and for goodness sake…wash your hands.

But?

A bowed head, hands open with the days dirt showing, fingerprints facing up towards the God who designed them for the one and only you, a body laid out and a surrendered heart poured out to God… is the best posture you will ever have.

“If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.”

psalm 139:9-10 NLT

Dear daughters….

Sometimes you will get it right.

Sometimes you will get it wrong.

And sometimes you will need to get out a good cry.

God understands…He is strong enough to support us when our feet and faces fall flat.

He is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2) and He can be trusted with your raw emotions.

It’s OK to be honest with Him…because a heart poured out is ready to receive God’s love so that you are equipped with the strength to hold loosely to what you hold dear…let go and love hard anyway…even when you are sad and scared.

Truth #3

Service

Patience

Forgiveness

=

3 key ingredients to living a peaceful life

Dear daughters…beyond BEING YOU, LETTING GO so that you are equipped to LOVE HARD…I want you to know that service, patience and forgiveness are 3 cornerstone keys to living a peace-filled life.

Your Grandma has a favorite saying that has stuck with me:

“Service is the rent you pay for the space you occupy.”

We are not born into this world to take up space and receive. We are each created and gifted with unique gifts to share and SERVE the world with.

Life is full of seasons…as you grow and move into new seasons of life…there will be opportunities for you to serve others..it will be up to YOU to see them and seize them. God has a desire to USE and activate what he knitted inside the one and only you…it is up to YOU to show up with a willing and obedient heart to be His hands and feet on this side of heaven.

“After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am. And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow.

Do as I have done to you. I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message. Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them.”

John 13:12-17 NLT

Certainly the world will give you more opportunities than you wish to practice your patience.

Patience even as a “grown-up” is hard to understand and “put on.” When you were just young toddlers your Grandma decided to “show you” what patience looks like.

When you would get fidgety and restless and might I even say “crazy wild”…we would say…”come sit beside me and let’s practice “patience.”

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Romans 12:12 NIV

We would have you come sit down beside me and fold your hands in your lap with laced fingers clasping the other hands fingers while we sat still…

for 10 seconds.

But…showing you what patience looked like…even practicing it for 10 seconds at a time…you began to understand what patience FELT like in short bursts.

We are all going to have our moments and frequent losses of patience. Especially now as you grow older, in these trying and difficult pandemic times where our patience is being tested at every corner. Remember, there is always the opportunity to practice and display patience with your hands laced together. It is not a display of weakness to receive the invitation to go and sit next to your God and ask Him to help you sit longer than 10 seconds in a difficult and trying situation…in the process, He will build your faith to trust in HIS timing.

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

Isaiah 40:31

Because?

God is never late.

He is never early.

He is always, always On Time.

Yes.

No.

I’m sorry.

These are the 4 most powerful words in the English Language.

Obedience to God will lead you to the greatest filling of peace.

When you feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit, obey promptly and fully in love and forgiveness guided and provided by the One who loves and forgives us.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:32 NIV

Dear daughters, forgiveness and love come in all shapes and sizes…when we fight and wrestle with the One who initiates us into action of these…we rob ourselves of the future God has laid out and assigned just for you…we stay stuck.

The peace filled path is gilded in the glue of service, patience and forgiveness.

You don’t have to stay stuck inside the walls of spiritual discontentment…instead

Serve others, be patient and wait for God’s timing and apologize and forgive according to the stirrings in your soul prompted by the One who resides in your heart.

“Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?”

1 Corinthians 3:16

Eve, Maci and Livvy…I love you more than you will ever possibly know.

To be your Mom and to be entrusted with the God-given responsibility to lead you in love in this life is my greatest honor this side of heaven.

There will be times when I mess up.

There will be times when I do not clasp my hands for ten seconds and give you a shining example of patience but instead do the exact opposite.

There will be times when I fail you.

Know that while you are my daughters…you are daughters of the KING in the heavenly realm who sees you, who knows you and who loves you more than I do.

When life gets hard,

come to me…

but

GO TO HIM.

Pour out your hearts and heavy burdens, be honest with Him with your deepest aches, allow Him to heal you, restore you, redeem you and LOVE you the only way that He can.

When you do, He will lift your head and gently hand you back your shoes that are perfectly worn in from all of the places you have stepped before this moment…

and as you slide your tired toes and failing feet into the soles, your feet will fill the spaces and fit perfectly because they were made for you…and God will reach out, help you to stand so that you can keep walking into the path He has laid out just for you…ONLY for YOU.

And I will be here…

loving you and

letting you go,

one baby breath at a time,

I love you so.

Love,

Your Momma.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for this life you have blessed me with. I feel undeserving of all of the blessings you have bestowed upon me.

Please help me to honor you in everything that I do. Please lead me in my mothering of the daughters you have entrusted me to.

Please forgive me when I get it wrong and please help me to seek you every day that you bless me with.

I love you.

Amen.

Living on a prayer,

Heather