Wondering how it’s possible to have peace with pressure or how to thrive inside the world of comparison culture? Here are ways to have peace with pressure.
This past week, I had the pleasure to slip away for two days to delight in the joyful experience of meeting new faces, making new friends, laughing, learning and toasting champagne flutes filled with prosecco and so much more!
Yes.
Yes, was my answer to my friend Krista’s question, when she asked me if I would be willing to speak at the business retreat she was putting together for female entrepreneurs at the stunning Great Oak Manor, located on the Eastern Shore.
The venue was simply stunning!!
Here is a picture of the backyard of the Manor.
Krista, is a business coach and the same friend who invited me to be a guest on her She Sells He Sells podcast, not once but twice to talk about life HERE and what I like to call, the art of purposeful living.
Speaking of purposeful living?
If you know your girl here by now, then you already know I will get up from the dinner table to walk outside and soak in a sunset over the water.
Case in point.
So, when Krista asked if I would be willing to speak at the special business retreat she was planning, I was truly honored!
Not only was I honored to share my heart around life, priority setting and my personal thoughts on fighting back against the comparison culture we live in…I also learned a lot while I was there!
And in bonus news?
New Home with Heather interior styling brand photos and headshots coming soon by the talented Desiree Ortman Photography!
And, if you’re wondering what were those personal thoughts and practices of the heart that I shared in the small group workshop…
You’re in luck!
Today on the blog, I am sharing the cliffs notes version of my presentation and the life mantras I live by.
Wondering how to hold hands with peace and pressure at the same time?
Here’s what’s helping me and I think worth sharing here, because in my 60 minutes of speaking –
While we may have just scratched the surface…
On the other hand?
We covered it all.
Follow me friend.
How To Make Peace With Pressure
We are all on an emotional journey.
Every single one of us is riding on an invisible rollercoaster that dips, dives and rides high at different times and speeds up and slows down every single day.
And while it’s likely that most of us aim to mature in emotional growth as we age…
The fact is, no one is born with training on how to handle the diverse emotions we find ourselves encountering throughout these complicated days we are living in.
And believe me friend, I am not getting straight A’s in this emotional maturity journey every day. HA!
However, over the years, as my self awareness has sharpened, I have found a rhythm that is helping me to handle all of the pressures that tend to pile up on my personal plate.
Because, let’s face it – the pressures of the world are not going to go away.
But what about you?
What pressures do you have piling up?
What are you trying to hold up, hold in and hold together today?
Chances are…
It’s a lot.
We are all learning on our feet and what I am finding is that in this race pace world we are living in, we are rarely slowing down enough to process or put words to all that is weighing heavy on our hearts.
What I have also come to know is, that when we put out hearts to the side…
It always comes at a cost.
When we put our hearts to the side, it comes at a cost.
Today, I want to offer you a 4 step rhythm that has helped me to check in with myself and work through those moments when I feel a little off, a little (or a lot) overwhelmed from pressures piling up or a little anxious or sad…and I don’t quite know why.
My hope is that you will look at this rhythm as a soft map to help bring you back to your peace and your personal core values.
So that, you can move forward in your own personal pace and operate from a grace place, informed by those core values and priorities.
Because in this world of distraction crisis that we are living in?
It is easy to lose our way, which in turn makes us vulnerable to the cycle of wandering and worrying.
Here is what helps me…
Remembering to CALM myself.
C.A.L.M.
C – Collect, Connect, Compose.
A – Ask Yourself Questions
L – Leave Room For Margin
M – Make Your Next Small Move
C – Collect, Connect & Compose.
Simply put?
Notice how you are feeling.
If I’m being honest, I am feeling a little more tired than usual.
Which for me, is usually a result of packing my schedule too tight.
And when I pack my schedule too tight, my emotions get tight too.
When I notice that I am getting upset over something small, that I normally would be able to keep in perspective, it is important for me to notice, so that I can make adjustments.
A – Ask Yourself Questions.
I love how Lysa TerKeurst describes asking questions like this:
“Get curious, not furious.“
After I take the time to notice what I am feeling, it’s important for me to follow that feeling up with a question.
What is triggering me right now?
What is bothering me?
And then follow that first question up with…
What is the first thing I can do that is within my right now reach, to help me get back to feeling like me again?
Perhaps it is taking a walk around the block and getting some fresh air, taking a ride with Willa Pup and rolling the windows down, or meeting a friend for a coffee.
You may have heard me share a phrase that a wonderful Christian counselor shared with me, while I was sitting in the chair of her office and feeling like quitting:
“Heather, sometimes we have to act our way into a new way of feeling versus feeling our way into a new way of acting.“
In other words?
We can’t always wait for the feelings to come to do something that is good for us.
Sometimes we have to take that first baby step forward of action and then the good and better feelings will follow after the action has been taken.
This friend, has been a game changer for me ever since 2006 when my counselor first shared this nugget of wisdom with me.
It applies to almost everything.
L – Leave Room For Margin
Take a beat.
Take a breath.
I like to call this “skip a line and come up for air.”
As in, imagine a piece of blank notebook paper and the red lined margin on the left side of the page.
It is stationed there on purpose.
The sheet is designed to leave room for white space versus filling the entire page with words. An entirely filled page is overwhelming to look at let alone try to read and comprehend.
But, when we leave room for margin and sometimes even skip a line?
We allow ourselves the chance to welcome the white space.
Take a beat and take a much needed…deep breath.
For me, when I leave room for margin in my day to get up from my desk, take that brief walk or even just gaze out the window for 60 seconds?
I am less likely to “fall off my ledge” as a 4 year old Livvy once described me. 🙂
Leaving room for margin, may also look like leaving the house ten minutes earlier than you actually need to for that meeting, that appointment or kid’s sports practice.
Leave room for margin so you can ENJOY the ride…and accept the ACCESS of opportunity to soak in the scene from the windshield differently.
I wrote more about this type of margin HERE in this post, after Maci and I pulled over along the side of the road one Saturday afternoon, simply to soak in the sun glistening on the water, on our way to her soccer game.
Leave a few minutes early, so that when you start to notice the changing pink sky in the evening or the flower buds blooming on the Spring trees…you have time to pull over and breathe it all in.
More Margin = More Time For Marking The Moments.
When I leave room for margin, it helps give me space and time to understand my emotions more clearly.
Taking a beat, taking a breath helps me to process well…so that I am less likely to respond to a situation with grace versus react and regret later.
Margin makes space for thoughtful response versus impulsive reaction.
Margin also makes space for more of the GOOD STUFF…and that’s what we we’re after isn’t it?
M- Make Your Next Small Move
I wrote about the value of making the next small moves HERE in this post, after my Aunt Jeanie passed away from pancreatic cancer last year.
Because, here’s the thing.
It’s the small moves that really matter.
It’s the small decisions and the smallest strokes…that when added together, one on top of the other…
That sets the stage to support not what I’m doing but WHO I am becoming.
They are the humble and meek moves, that are building the strong foundation for the life I am creating.
Guess what?
I am learning that in order to make these next and right small moves work well?
You have to “Keep your eyes on your own paper” as Bob Goff describes in his book, Undistracted, Capture Your Purpose, Rediscover Your Joy.
Not falling into the trap of comparison culture, by keeping our eyes on our own paper, and not looking left and right to see how we are measuring up is critical to the success of our small moves and the momentum potential they can have.
(I wrote more words about how and why I fight back against comparison culture HERE.)
So, how can we make peace with pressure?
It starts with by giving ourselves permission to take on the posture of a C.A.L.M. heart.
Collect, connect, compose.
Ask yourself questions. (This means being honest with yourself, in case you missed that part 🙂
Leave room for margin.
Make your next small move.
And then?
Trust the process.
But wait, there’s more. 🙂
I love how Baker Publishing Executive Editor, Stephanie Smith take the “trusting the process” one step farther.
“Trust the process is an incomplete sentence.
If I could complete the sentence it would read like this instead-
Trust the process by putting in the practice.
“Because if you just sit there and trust, but you never take those next steps, you are not going to move forward. So, there is an invitation to step into the practice, which means, roll up your sleeves, and take the next step and actually engage your muscles in the forward motion of your life.”
– Stephanie Smith Executive Editor – Baker Publishing
Trust the process while putting in the practice.
And that friend is where I will sign off for now.
I pray that this message helped to calm your heart today as we continue the practice of learning on our feet while making peace with pressure.
Yes, the pressures are there….but so is the peace.
There, inside that beat and that holy deep breath.
Take hold of it.
Because, we each have a race to run.
You have a race to run.
Now go run it.
Forward is a pace friend.
There is a small move waiting to be made.
Now go make it.
Living on a prayer,
Heather